Sometimes, we don’t realize how much of an impact our friendships have on our overall well being and mental health. When you have a strong support system, you can be yourself without having to worry about changing what you say, think or feel. But what happens when the people who are supposed to be there for you…well, aren’t?
We’ve been there before. You had an awesome day, and spent the entire train ride home trying to keep your cool until you could tell your best friend about it. But once you’re on the phone, you notice that your excitement isn’t really being shared. In fact, her reaction makes you question whether or not your news is that big of a big deal.
That right there is just one of the many signs that you are in a toxic friendship. If this situation doesn’t even scratch the surface of what you experience on a daily basis, it might be time to take a hard look at the company you’re keeping.
1. She “listens” without actually listening.
Did you notice that whenever you’re venting about your day, she either checks out, offers a small/generic response or redirects the conversation back to herself? This happens so often that you start second guessing whether or not your news even matters, and start to close yourself off.
2. She’s codependent to the point of being super needy.
Don’t get us wrong. You love spending time with her and would do anything for her. But sometimes, you feel like you’re stretching yourself thin to meet her needs, and ignoring your own. She depends on you constantly, from making all decisions on her behalf or always footing the bill. You want to be there for her but, at the same time, you don’t want to become her emotional crutch.
3. You fight all. of. the. time.
It’s normal to argue with your friend. This takes a more serious turn when you argue more than you talk. Nowadays, it seems like you disagree on everything and can never compromise. More often than not, you end up giving in for the sake of avoiding a confrontation. You’ve also noticed that your fight or flight instincts kick in every time she walks into the room. This is a major red flag.
4. She doesn’t make time for you (even though you drop everything to see her).
You take your friendship very seriously. When you say that you’re here for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on, you mean it. But lately, your openness isn’t being reciprocated. Your texts to meet up go unanswered, the voice mails you left about needing to vent are ignored. Suddenly, she’s very busy and doesn’t want to hang out unless it’s an outing that she’s planned.
5. When you’re with her, you’re counting the minutes until you don’t have to see her again.
We know. You feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way but it’s the cold hard truth. Being around her negative energy is physically and emotionally draining. Sometimes, you find yourself feeding off of her pessimistic attitude. This can have a major impact on your outlook on life.
If you’re experiencing any of these signs, you need to decide whether or not your friendship is worth saving.