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You’ve been together for a while now in every sense of the word except the “official” one. You see him more than you see your friends and practically have a designated space in his closet. You’ve developed a routine together that works, and yet you haven’t put a label on it yet.

It’s not for lack of trying. Whenever you psyche yourself up enough to bring up the “are we? aren’t we?” conversation, your fingers feel numb and you suddenly can’t breathe. You know you want more and are ready to commit but aren’t sure if he’s on the same page even though the signs seem to be there.

And so, the questions start: “Is waiting for the right moment? Maybe he’s nervous too and doesn’t want to be the first to make a move. He’s still interested, right?”

You’re stuck in relationship limbo and have no idea how to break out of this awkward place you’ve fallen into. So you finally take the leap and ask him where you stand, only to be met with “I’m not ready for a relationship right now”.

You spent all of those months thinking that you were traveling towards a life together, but really you were on two different continents.

Here’s the deal. If he’s not ready to commit right now, he never will be.

When a guy tells (or shows you) that he’s emotionally unavailable, you believe him. You could spend months texting and hanging out with someone and never really know what is on their mind or in their heart. Throughout the course of your “situationship”, he sent so many mixed signals that it was hard to figure out where you both stood.

You thought he was ready to commit to a relationship with you, but you read it wrong (or you saw what he wanted you to see). Now that you know, you’re not really sure what to do with this.

A relationship takes two people, period. There shouldn’t be one person putting in the time and effort, while the other gets to come and go as they please. Being in a committed relationship means being present, honest, and vulnerable. When someone is into you, they will lay themselves bare without question in the hopes of you doing the same.

Talking to you will never feel like a chore. He will make the time to see you, and let you know exactly how he feels about you. You will never have to second guess.

Now you know where he stands. Where do you go from here?

You can’t force someone with commitment issues to stay when all they want to do is leave. The only things he’s willing to be present for are the fun times, but when the going gets tough, he’s gone.

Every time he forgets to text back for days or he cancels plans last minute, he takes a part of you with him. It’s come to the point where you’re not sure how to get those missing pieces of who you were before you met him back.

It will be hard at first, but you owe it to yourself to find the love that you actually deserve. Even if it means diving into unknown waters without a lifeboat.