Self-Love

How To Master Confidence Without Being Annoying

November 3, 2018

Confidence is an attractive trait for anyone to have. Confident people carry themselves well, and we can’t help but look up to and admire confident women. When you feel a boost of confidence you know this is a healthy feeling because self-doubt, fear, shame, and insecurity fade away and your new, emerging self is carefree, bold, strong, and independent.

Do you feel a sense of confidence growing within yourself? It is likely that as you begin to grow in confidence you start having feelings like, “Am I too much?” “Did I talk about myself too much?” “I need to tone myself down.” Or, “Am I too into myself?”

These are normal feelings to have as you navigate what it feels like to be a confident woman. Think about the confident women you admire. How do they talk about what they’re proud of? Are they ever annoying? What is it that makes these women confident, but not overpowering and insensitive?

Why is confidence important?

Whether it’s in the workplace or in a relationship, confidence is key to taking ownership of what you need and desire. Being able to clearly communicate your needs to an employer or significant other is much easier when you can step into these conversations confidently. You may have heard of the “power stance.” Standing with your hands on your hips makes you appear more confident and can actually make you feel a boost of confidence too. This is a great posture to take when you need that boost of confidence before a difficult conversation.

When is confidence annoying?

Confidence can easily turn into arrogance if you are constantly telling others how great you are and what you have achieved. There is a fine line between taking ownership of who you are and being proud of yourself versus never acknowledging others’ accomplishments and only talking about yourself. Become aware of how others are perceiving you the next time you confidently speak.

A note on confident women

As women, it is especially important to not be afraid of being confident, strong, and bold. This idea of “not being annoying” is important in regards to making sure we pay attention to others too and care for them, but don’t let it scare you from owning your own confidence. It is important to be a strong female role model today to show other girls that we can speak our minds bravely, share creative ideas in the workplace, start businesses, and be leaders.

A study on confidence

A recent study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology studied the different channels of communication people used to express their confidence and how those channels influence their likability and respectability according to observing strangers. While some participants portrayed overt confidence, others were cautious about their confidence. The study showed that people were more likely to want to work with the more confident people. However, researchers were least impressed with those who were confident even when their work performance didn’t match up with their attitudes. The results showed that confidence is most annoying when it basically comes from nowhere and is just a show.

Tools for classy confidence

First things first, if you’re going to be confident make sure your actions meet your words. When it comes to confidence the whole “fake it ’til you make it,” may not actually work. Put in the hard work and let that fuel your confidence. Instead of bragging, portray confidence by speaking in a powerful tone, looking people in the eyes, use direct gestures, have good posture, and don’t forget to smile!

Kate Wilke is a 200-RYT yoga instructor, meditation teacher, and Integrative Nutrition Health Coach. She teaches and works with clients in Nashville, TN. She believes in self-care in the form of colorful, healthy cooking, daily walks with her dog, and a glass of red wine. Follow her on Instagram — @meditatekate

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